On Arriving Home

Today I sit quietly at home

Allowing it to be my home again,
although it feels somewhat foreign.
Allowing people to ground me again,
although I would rather be somewhat aloof.
Allowing this body to be mine again,
although its needs are somewhat confining.
Allowing my mind to settle into my being again,
although daily life feels somewhat mundane.

On arriving home, we found everything altered.
Now we must fit ourselves back into the puzzle,
give here or take there,
a process so minute as to seem trivial;
it happens whether we pay attention or not.

There I entered on my own terms:
present when and how I chose,
giving my best, even more than what I really have,
holding off my worst for another day;
a ‘larger than life’ me.

Here we are responsible to one another;
I am a spouse, parent, child, neighbor, friend
committed to all the messy places I find myself,
day in and day out,
through the worst or best.

There I was propelled forward by thoughts,
exercised gifts without constraint;
always present to the sheer joy
of surrendering everything
for something much greater.

Here I find surrender too,
not just on the great battle-fields
but in the discipline of everyday submission;
my gift of presence to those around me,
a long labor of defining love.

There I saw Him clearly, but He is here too!
At work from every vantage point,
in every place and person,
in the buzzing activity and in the fragile stillness
of sitting quietly at home.

© 2019 Jacqueline Tisthammer. All Rights Reserved.