Loving this friendship for the pride of being noticed
Look closer! Whispers a deep-inside voice
At what you have neglected
The mixed-up motives and tender hurts
Real life is hard on those who lead
Long before you arrived in my life
Loving others like you made me tired
Look at how long I’ve put up with all of you!
At the same time, these joys and foibles are uniquely yours
The path to maturity is old and worn, but for you it just became
Real, and it’s right where you belong
Long years blur into fleeting decades
Loving well this week, poorly the next, pressing on
Look at all that fell away in the refining fires!
At how mettle outshines accomplishments
The dross skimmed off year by year, this is living
Real purity of heart the distant prize
This poem was born of my struggle to relate to others genuinely, rather than through my own need for affirmation or purpose. I structured it around a phrase from Ignatian contemplative practice: “long, loving look at the real”. Follow the link for a more detailed description, but in essence this practice is a choice to be present (a long look), to be gracious (a loving look), to be brave and hopeful in the face of reality (at the real).
In the hurry of life, it is difficult to look long at anything or anyone. It is difficult to choose love when we are depleted and want an easy fix or boost of mood. It is difficult to face reality, either because we fear seeing ourselves clearly or because allowing others to be human overwhelms our compassion (more on that next week!).
Taking a long, loving look at the real, we begin to see more like God does. He is willing to linger with us and love us in our brokenness, to see and redeem our reality. This practice invites me to do the same for myself, as well as for those who need me to see them as people at once full of faults and deserving of love.
©2025 Jacqueline Tisthammer. All rights reserved.
Photo by José Martín Ramírez Carrasco on Unsplash
Catch up on Sabbatical Reflection #4: Reality
In Pursuit of More 