On Being Present with Fear

“Will I be OK?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the pool.

“Of course! Mommy and Gammy are right here!” To myself I thought, “Even on the bottom step the water would only reach your chest. Why is this such a big deal?”

We were swimming for the first time in a long time. He only came to watch his baby brother swim, but something in him still remembered the exhilaration of moving through the water. So, he consented to wear a swim suit, and then decided to put it on in advance. When we arrived, he put his feet straight in, bottom firmly planted on the side of the pool, kicking and splashing.

But now we were asking him to go all the way in.

“Will I be OK?” he asked again. Continue reading “On Being Present with Fear”

God in all the Wrong Places

“Oh no, for real?” I thought to myself as the band began to play. “Of all the Christmas songs, why this one? Can’t we sing “Oh Come Emmanuel” or something? This is a kid’s song…”

Despite my internal protests, the drums beat steadily, soon followed by the incessant refrain: “PA RUM PUM PUM PUM.”

And then I started to cry. Continue reading “God in all the Wrong Places”